Thursday, February 10, 2005

50 bucks to Freeball.

The Virginia Legislature has passed a bill that will fine people for the indecent display of underwear. Here is an explanation of what exactly is being made illegal, clearly this bill is nothing more then public relations puff. If people are unaware of how this bill operates there is potential for deleterious effects for those of us in the ooogling department, those who use public bathrooms, wiggers, and fat horny women.
Here is the "meat" of the legislation:
so the elements of this crime are :
1. It must be committed by a person.
2. In a public place
3. Intentionally wearing underwear
4. Intentionally displaying the underwear below the waist.
5. The underwear must be intended to cover"intimate parts"
6. All of this must be in an indecent manner.

luckily them folks in Virginia ain't too swift and the loop holes here are numerous .
1. Pretend to not be a person. If you are not a person then it does not apply. Most of my friends are now safe.

2. Public places- not much you can do about this. Any good tom foolery occurs in a public place. Consider farting at home by yourself, or in an elevator; elevator is way more entertaining then smelling your own fart and trying to figure out if you have digested the pizza you just ate.

3. Intentionally wearing underwear- this requirement is ripe for defense. The government has to prove that you were intentionally wearing your underwear. This can be difficult to do because you had to form the requisite intent (purpose) in order to make this stick. Therefore if you only wear underwear because :
A. Your wife/ girlfriend made you then it was under coercion and you did not formulate the intent.
B. Your parents made you wear underwear growing up therefore you were conditioned and out of reaction you put on your underwear. Again you failed to formulate the intent, because you did not "on purpose" put on your underwear.

4. Intentionally displaying underwear below the waist- first off where is my waist? Where does it start? Where does it end? If I am in a public bathroom making a poop with the stall door open and my underwear is below my waist- have I violated the law? Assuming the wearing was intentional. Obviously those with the hanging waist in the front, have more leeway to cover up crack in the rear. As this bill operates if you show crack you are ok, but if you cover it with underwear and not pants , you get fined 50 bucks. ( so the plumbers are now safe also).

5. The underwear must be intended to cover the private parts- thank god for this, G-stings are now exempt. Hence all women should turn to wearing them or nothing at all, since such garments are not intended to cover anything. Whereas granny panties are now one step closer to being illegal. (No, no these guys in Virginia are brilliant). There is also an intent problem here, who has to intend the underwear to cover the intimate parts? The manufacturer or the wearer. If it is the wearer then in order to be found guilty one would have to on purpose put on the underwear, on purpose have it be exposed and on purpose make sure it is the kind of underwear that is intended to cover the intimate parts.

6. Lewd and indecent- what in the hell does this mean? The dictionary defines Lewd as
preoccupied with sex and sexual desire; lustful. Obscene; indecent. indecent is defined as offensive to good taste; unseemly. Offensive to public moral values; immodest. So based on the definitions you will be convicted if your exposed underwear is exposed in a manner "preoccupied with sex/sexual desire/ or lustful manner" AND is offensive to good taste. All of this is very subjective. You would get off provided that you have no sexual desire resulting from the exposure of your underwear, that insulates all fat and ugly people from any liability.

So now who could be convicted of this crime: A person in a public place, who on purpose put on their underwear and wears it and intended that the underwear cover their intimate parts and yet who on purpose displayed below their waist. This display is preoccupied with sexual desire and offensive to public morals of someone (who we don't know). Basically, a fat, horny woman wearing granny panties in a public area whose pants have split and she intentionally refuses to patch them up in order to stir sexual desire and lust in both herself or passers-by.

What have we learned from all this?
1. If you don't wear underwear you can't be in trouble.
2. If you don't wear pants then your underwear is considered shorts and shorts are legal.
3. If you must wear underwear make sure it is skimpy, and that you are certain to not arouse offense to morals, or create a tent in a passer-by's pants.
4. Virginia should be culled ASAP (see Lenford q. rockefeller's post).

Below is the full text of the bill - this is real no shitting you.


ON FEBRUARY 4, 2005)

BILL TRACKING REPORT: 2004 Bill Tracking VA H.B. 1981

2004 Bill Text VA H.B. 1981

VERSION: Substituted

VERSION-DATE: February 7, 2005

SYNOPSIS: A BILL to amend the Code of Virginia by adding a section numbered 18.2-387.1, relating to indecent display of below-waist undergarments.

TEXT: Be it enacted by the General Assembly of Virginia:

1. That the Code of Virginia is amended by adding a section numbered 18.2-387.1 as follows:

Howell A


LOAD-DATE: February 9, 2005


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thank god i dont live in that god forsaken state, but
rather in an emnlightenned society where it is accepted that, on occassion, your pants fall down.

We need to live in a culture that embraces people who like to put their dicks to the wind, both eu[phamistically and physically rather than fine then paltry sums for freeballing on laundry day.

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