Monday, February 14, 2005

A darkened movie theatre: My relationship with Hersh

i know this guy named hersh. we hang out with the same circle of friends. We both really hate each other. it was obvious from the very begining that we would have a love/hate relationship.
I dont think we really hate each other, its just something fun we do to amuse ourseleves and to compensate for our crushingly low sense of self-worth. There is some hate between us, but nothing too severe or psychotic. Not talking war of the roses here or anything. more like
how it must be between owen and luke wilson.

Now, you may ask yourself, how do two people who obviously dislike each other remain friends with out it turning into a bloodbath? Well, hersh and I have found a solution: going to see a movie.

It is the perfect social setting for us to get together and the perfect metaphor for our relationship. By going to see movies we accomplish a several things. One, it fills the need for us to mercilessly insult one another in public. Two, it has a set time limit (the length of the movie) thereby ensuring things dont get to ridiculous and three, once the lights come up we each tell eahc other to fuck off and we go our separate ways. Clean and simple.

Its the perfect solution, we dont spend anymore time than necessarry with each other, and the lack of light ensures i dont have to look at hersh's ugly face. plus if he picks a shitty movie, i have something else to insult him about.

Now you may be asking, why agree to see movies with this guy in the first place? why not just end all contact with him if you hate each other so much?

thats a good question, and the answer is two-fold. One his brother is fun to hang out with, and two, its theraputic to insult hersh. i am serious, give it a try right now.

everyone all together: I fucking hate Hersh!

see, Its very cathartic and cheaper than seeing a shrink.

now if only i could get the other people i hate to agree to this arrangement i would be set,



p.s. i hate hersh


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Back in the day, I also loved/hated Hersh. All I can say was that here was some frog-stealing and a lot of water-fighting involved.

- Leah Wiseman Fink

8:29 PM  

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