Sunday, February 13, 2005

Welcome to the Jungle

Have you ever listened to the words to Welcome to the Jungle by Guns N' Roses? I mean really listened? I don't think you have. Number one, this is a classic song written by the great GN'fnR and you have done it no justice by not really listening to the song. Do you know where you are? You're in the jungle baby, you're gonna die! WHAT? WHY? Why am I gonna die? Let's take a closer look at this LA pop-metal classic.
What is this jungle and why am I going to die? Axel reveals to us that the jungle is but a metaphor... A metaphor for what you may ask? Well, he sings about welcoming you to a jungle, his serpentine and that it, his serpentine, is going to bring you to your knees. Obviously Axel is eloquently singing about his special place. Axel refers to this region as a "jungle." Clearly Axel hasn't kept his region neat and tidy.
What can Axel do to keep his region neat and tidy? Allow me to offer a couple of options. Obviously he can trim. Get those little nose hair clippers and trim away. Please use caution. Option number two is significantly more dangerous but much more rewarding. This option is the razor, preferably the Mach 3. It's clean and leaves things nice and smooth. But, believe me, nicks and cuts are infinitely more dangerous down below.
So, we now know that at the time of the creation of the classic Welcome to the Jungle, Axel was not shaving, except maybe his face. But why are we going to die when we are welcomed to this jungle? We're talking about Axel, clearly the answer is disease. The man was, and is, nasty, and if you're welcomed to his jungle, you're probably gonna get something, maybe you won't die, but you may wish you have.
I blame Yitsi for this blog... He has demanded a new blog from me and now I have shared what was dwelling in my mind. Keep on rockin in the free world. Ninjas unite!


Anonymous TheHersh said...

When you say Ninjas Unite! do you mean the ninja turtles? and if you do mean the ninja turtles - which ones? the movie ones or one of the many tv turtles.
By the way I have always wanted to be a samuri - can i unite with the ninjas?
I love GNR!

8:20 PM  
Blogger Lizard said...

Alright I have only read about 3 lines into this post and already I feel that as a die hard GN'R fan I must speak out. Clearly you are the one who has done "the GN'fnr" (as you refer to them) "no justice" because any true fan of the band and more specifically its lead singer would know that his name is AXL, not AXEL. Now I am a forgiving person by nature and as such upon first reading this blatant outrage I was willing to give its author the benefit of the doubt and simply chalked the mistake up to nothing more than a typo. However after continuing on I found myself repeatidly bombarded with this unfortunate blunder and began to realize that perhaps that its origin was not an innocent slip of the finger but instead pure ignorance of the legend himself, William Bailey.

As I read on, searching for even one redeaming factor, I quickly become more and more disappointed. Despite what the author may have you originally believe he is certainly no fan of what I (and many others) rightfully have crowned the greatest band of all time. Because no real fan could believe, let alone publically proclaim, that AXL "was, and is, nasty." Such a comment is not only erroneous but unnecessarily insulting. Granted the years could have been better to him, but putting aside some unfortunate and misguided hair and botox choices AXL is and always will be the most kick ass lead singer and all around musician!!!

1:45 AM  

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